SW: 324
LW: 269.6
CW: 268
Change: -1.6
Well I was hoping for a little more, but then I always do. At least it’s a loss.
This morning my hubby and I took part in the Richardson Wild Ride. We did the 40-mile route, there were about 2,000 riders total. I was simultaneously looking forward to and dreading the ride, and I was right to do so - the last quarter was not fun at all. I came very close to quitting, and hubby was very put out with me for going slow. I didn’t quit, I finished, but I couldn’t even feel good about it because I was ashamed about going slow.
Here’s hoping next year’s ride is better.
Today has been another hard one in regards to diet - I just want to eat all the things. My only transgression was two little donut holes (avoiding the box of real donuts someone brought in the office.)
In the plus column, I’ve been peeing a good bit the last couple days, so I’m hoping that translates into a drop on the scale.
Last night hubby and I took part in the Dallas Ride of Silence, a memorial for bike riders killed by cars. It’s a 10 mile ride around White Rock Lake, and no one speaks or makes any noise the whole ride. Many other cities also hold rides, all starting at 7 pm. in their respective cities. Neat to be a part of, and sad.
With the week, that is.
The week has been going pretty well, so far. I’ve done well, not perfect, with my calories. Monday night I went on a bike ride alone since my hubby was working late and riding home himself. It was a great ride until I was about 3/4 done and the skies unexpectedly opened up. I ended up having to ride home in a cold downpour that was coming down so hard it felt like needles on my exposed skin, and sent floods of salt water down my face so that I could only keep one eye barely open. (Fresh rainwater comes down through the holes in my helmet and washes the accumulated sweat of dozens of rides out of the helmet pads and down my face, yuck.)
I made it home in one piece, anyway. Tonight is the Ride of Silence in Dallas, a large group ride around White Rock Lake in which you don’t speak or make noise, in memorial of bike riders killed by cars.
I’m looking forward to/nervous about our big ride this weekend.
I’m wearing jeans to work today, because the bosses are out of town for the rest of the week. I can tell they are ever so slightly looser than last Friday. Still much tighter than I would prefer, but at least I’m making progress.
Hubby and I are attending my boss’s swanky wedding in three weeks, and this weekend I tried on my new dress with accompanying spanx-type products and shoes. I’ve decided I need to find more summery looking shoes (i.e. sandals). I had hubby take this pic to show my coworkers, and although I like the dress, I sure don’t like me.
The first pic he took was from a low angle and it was even worse…Can I mention again how upset I am with myself for losing so much ground on this latest binge? How much better might I look if I was 25 pounds lighter - which I WAS two months ago.
In that vein I have made a new promise to myself. I don’t have to be perfect in my eating, and if need be I can eat maintainence calories if I can’t bring myself to diet, but I absoutely can not let myself go on any more weeks-long binges. They take so much effort to pull out of, and I do so much damage. I was 275 last December, it took me three months to get down to 245 and I completely undid it in six weeks.
I weighed in back on Saturday but hadn’t found the time to post until now.
SW: 324
LW: 275
CW: 269.6
Change : -5.4
Well it’s certainly a start for my first real week back. It pales in comparison to some of my past first-weeks, but as I said I wasn’t being totally perfect, because I was having such a hard time getting back into the groove.
I’m still doing well so far this week. The weekend was decent - we did a 33 mile, 3 hour bike ride (in preparation for our 40-miler coming up this weekend) and we had a very conservative dinner afterwards, not the pig-out we sometimes have after such long rides. The next day included a mother’s day meal that wasn’t particulary healthy, but between the two days I think I ended in the plus column.
I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel today. I’ve been hungry but not desperately, depressingly so.
I went out to lunch today at Greenz salads and had one of their 400 calorie meals. I take it with a grain of salt that it’s really 400 calories, because the salad has mixed nuts on it, and those babies add up fast. Also the turkey chili is not supposed to come with cheese on top but they always put it on, so I’m guessing they’re not counting out those nuts either.
I’m not too worried though cause it’s still head and shoulders above a cheeseburger and fries.
Also, my meal was free because I “won” a 50 dollar gift card a few months ago. I say “won” because the twitter contest they ran, where you took a pic of your salad and tweeted it, and they picked a winner - had only one entrant, which was me. Also it took some reminding to get them to send it to me, but I finally got it. :-)
Today has sucked. Within 5 minutes of waking up today I was fighting with myself about breaking my diet. I almost stopped to get food on the way to work, but I didn’t. I almost went out to lunch instead of eating what I brought, but I didn’t. I’ve probably eaten 5,000 calories in my mind today - I have to remind myself the only naughty thing I’ve *actually* eaten today was one pack of peanut butter crackers.
I’m fucking exhausted.
Three things helped keep me on track today - tumblr, watching The Biggest Loser on Netflix, and the fact that I’m peeing like crazy which means I’m at least dropping some water weight from cutting my carbs, and I didn’t want to fuck that up.
Going to watch some BL more while I eat my carrots.
With my recent weight gain I’ve outgrown a good number of my clothes. I’ve avoided wearing my jeans the last couple of weeks because I know they’ll be uncomfortably tight to wear to work on Casual Friday. Most of my jeans shorts are too tight. Today I’m wearing a shirt I haven’t worn since last fall, and I can tell it’s a lot tighter on my belly than before.
Sigh.
*munches on carrots*
Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop…eating cake.
Because today was the boss’ birthday.
I had a very small piece, so it didn’t ruin my day or anything, but after finishing my small slice I was hit by the very intense desire to keep eating. I was so close to writing this day off and raiding the peanut butter cracker drawer…but I didn’t. I had some carrots sticks in my drawer and I nursed them for the rest of the afternoon.
Sigh.
SW: 324
LW: 245.8 (3/10/12)
CW: 275
Change : + 29.2
So…how have you guys spent the last two months? Me? I’ve obviously been stuffing my fucking face all day every day because how else do you gain 30 lbs in two months.
It goes without saying I’m disappointed in myself. Any illusions I ever had for the reason behind my weight problems are out the window. I am addicted to food. I eat to feel good, and to distract from my feelings, or because I’m bored, and because it plain tastes good.
I can make myself diet, and I can succeed for a while, but something always tips the scales and I just decend into madness (this time it was seasonal allergies, the time before that was a hip injury). After depriving myself for so long I just let loose and eat all the things. It makes the whole thing seem very pointless. Pushing the rock halfway up the hill only to let it roll back down again. What if someday I actually reach my real goals only to let it slip away? We all know the statistics on maintaining weight loss…
I’ve tried half a dozen times these last two months to turn it around and have failed. Tomorrow I will get back on the wagon, tomorrow, tomorrow. Then when tomorrow comes I get the slightest bit hungry and go running for the snacks. Or I wake up in the morning and can’t face the work day without the promise of yummy treats.
Most of the time when I ‘start over’ I am gung ho. I can start off being extra good and keep up being near perfect for at least a couple weeks. This time I just can’t quite throw myself into it, so I’m trying to start slow and not aiming for perfection.
Perfection would have been eggs for breakfast this morning, I had two bowls of Life Cereal instead. Perfection would have meant not buying anything at 7-11 this morning when I stopped for gas. Instead I bought two Coke Zeros, a 160-calorie bag of baked lays to with my lunch, a 99 cent package of salted cashews, an orange, and a $2 scratch ticket (won $4). Normally a 7-11 haul would be more like 2-3 candy bars, a couple donuts, a brownie, a couple Cokes and some Cheetos (yes, all in one purchase.) So I am far, far ahead of the game on that one…but still not perfect.
I’m hoping that a couple days of being good-but-not-perfect will lead me back into the motivation I need to get back in the game for real. I’ve got a couple of deadlines bearing down on me that I hope will help - in two weeks I have to do a 40-mile bike ride. We did this same ride last year, at which time I was 15 pounds lighter than I am currently. Back in March I had dreams of being 20 lbs *below* last year’s weight, but obviously that didn’t happen. Two weeks after that I’ve got a co-worker’s wedding to attend, and being 10-15 lbs lighter would be nice.
